Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sister, Sister

 Today was slightly warmer than the average winter day. Let us celebrate by using yet another new font for this blog! 

 Greetings bloglings. I am currently diving in to a large bowl of pineapple while reading how to unclog a dog's butt. My pomeranian, oh bless her doggy soul... She has a bit of an issue tonight, and given my choice of literature, I am sure you can imagine what kind of issue it is. While her issue may be "crappy" to say the least, she is doing better now and is zonked out. 

You know what I have learned recently? That it pays to say whatever the hell is on your mind. I know it's kind of late in the game to be learning this, but I feel a sense of clarity and release not holding anything back. You see, I am usually very paranoid about coming off as even the slightest bit rude, but sometimes it's necessary. My sister is very good at this. She never holds back when she has something to say, and boy do I admire it! I have been very good about saying what is on my mind over the past month and it will just get easier from here. 

 Speaking of my sister... We posed for a few shots while she was in town this past weekend. We both have a slight clothing addiction, possibly. 

Things that are good. Dates(the fruit, not the awkward inconvenience), sangria, expensive magazines, long dresses and Eddie Vedder. 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

dot dot dot words comma words

Readers! Hello, readers?! Are you still out there? Alive? Breathing? As much as I love death, I really hope you are still out there. The bitch is back, in black(and graphic patterns, duh. I have my very own camera now! This blog is going to blow up like Marilyn Monroe's infamous white dress over a steel grate( I almost said like Pearl harbor, but I chickened out). So, how about a little update? 
I have officially developed an addiction to Hello Kitty marshmallows, I have gotten exceptionally good at driving in snow and ice, I have a serious case of college senior syndrome and I have been introduced to erotic chocolate bars. My sarcasm level is at an all time high and I am pretty sure I am the funniest person alive, and I should be the only person to ever attempt to be funny. 
My closet has also grown more fabulous, so be prepared to witness me model extremely high-end pieces in an outdoor setting because I have no other events to wear this stuff to.
I just found out that I enjoy licking chicken wings but dislike actually eating them. How do you enjoy consuming the limbs of poultry? It's really great to be back guys! I can't wait to take all kinds of cool shots for you! Stay tuned.

"You say yes, I say no. You say stop, I say get off the couch and make me raw lasagna." -Said me, just now

Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Storm is Brewing

... It's a new year and new posts are coming very soon! I'll bet you all thought I was decapitated by a French arm wrestler, but the bitch is back and more fashionable than ever!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

In the Middle of the Night, I've Been Stripping in my Sleep

Hi everyone, I am Zom-Brittany

 Greetings blogglings, I am currently on planet "stuffing my face with chia pickle chips and wiping goat slobber off my scarf".... Not in that order, but anyways. This is my first weekend in quite a while without a 6 foot-tall stack of homework and reporting, so I am taking full advantage! I went to an apple festival at Washington Park today... There was an alarming lack of apples present at said festival. In fact, there were none. So I'm guessing the numerous varieties of locally grown apples advertised was code-word for something else. Oh well, I still got to scowl at children and pet some lethargic goats.

 I also stopped in at Myra's Dionysus for dinner. I am becoming a regular because I love everything that place stands for. Myra's has been around long before me and it is still ran by Myra herself. There are so many delicious and healthy options I can barely stand it. Fresh soups, salads, rad daily specials, tons of vegetarian options and the prices are ridiculously reasonable. Why can't we have more places like this?! I basically want to go in there, open my purse and let Myra take all of my money. It's that good folks.

 Before I forget, I have to talk about all of the terrifyingly weird dreams I have had recently. From prancing around work nude, to being chased down and mauled by crazed cat nappers, my dreams have been stranger than usual. Maybe I should stop watching American Horror Story. Or perhaps Oskar's fur releases some kind of toxic fume at night that whacks me out.

 Well my chips are almost gone, in fact I'm just munching on crumbs at this point. Have a fantastic rest of your weekend everyone! Check back soon for more photos that have nothing to do with my blog posts.

 "If at first you don't succeed, eat some expired silken tofu pudding, and try again." said me, just now

Friday, October 18, 2013

Sand and Sunflowers... Meow

 American Horror Story is playing in the background, I ate a whole package of cook and serve chocolate pudding and I am a total pussy when it comes to swallowing large pills...This has been my night.

 Now that I have your attention, let me share the very good excuses I have for not posting sooner. I have been sick(legit-SICK) for weeks and my nose looks like Rudolph. School has been hard and very rewarding!

 As some of you may know, I have an exercise addiction. That's right, my drugs cannot be swallowed, snorted or injected. My drug is the rush I get from a good workout. Anyways, I wrote an article about the negative impact this obsession can have on the body. It is really helping me get over my problem. I went 10 whole days in a row without working out! And I survived. I feel more energized and rested... Wow. It feels good to release my ball and chain.

 For my article I got to interview the beautiful, fit and inspiring Amanda Russell. Just speaking with her was so motivational and encouraging, it really gave me the push I needed to give my body a break. 

 Besides being sick and busy I have had a lot of fun this fall! I recently went to Florida(which is where I got sick)and it was wonderful. I have also done way too much shopping, went to a sunflower festival and I am hooked on American Horror Story.My sweet kitty Oskar is the best 50 bucks I have ever spent, even though her favorite toy is my mac and she enjoys attacking my face in the middle of the night. 

 So, Halloween is coming up and I am going to try my hand at pop-art zombie makeup so stay tuned for pictures:D Also, I will be posting my article about over exercising soon, so keep those peepers peeled!

 "Cotton candy grapes are like Eddie Vedder... wild and so perfect" said me, just now.

Monday, September 16, 2013

So Little Time

  Readers... My poor, poor readers. How I neglected this blog for so many weeks, I do not know. While my sneakiest suspicions say it has to do with school, two jobs, internship stuff and workouts, that is no excuse for me to neglect my beloved blog. So here is my plea, and my vow:

 I Brittany Barker shall post to my blog in a timely manner each week and I will no 
longer be tempted to spend my free time watching Hey Arnold and browsing Pinterest.
I will also learn how to spell "suspicions" without consulting google. 

 The most shameful part of this whole thing has to be the amount of cute outfits I have failed to document for you. I will simply have to be an outfit repeater and take photos for you all this time around. I do have some outfit photos for you this time, just not as many as I should:(

Here is a quick rundown of Brittany related events that have occurred in the past weeks:

I got a haircut!

I got a mysterious bruise on my right hip.

I got sick(which is a sign of the apocalypse, run to the bunker and take your favorite child!)

I got my first pair of Jeffery Campbell's.

and most importantly...

I got game

 I am beyond stoked to be back in the game folks and going forward, I think I will add some diversity to my blog. You know, some real meaningful shit. Just kidding, I'm about as deep as a Walmart kiddie pool. But I sure love injecting my brutal humor into these posts, infecting innocent minds everywhere.

 "Some people glow like a Mediterranean sunset. other people are ass holes and are not worth your time." Said me, just now.